Snarle Up

There is never a toilet when you need one.

This takes longer to write than for it to happen. Adrenylin flooding a brain produces something like Matrix bullet time. Amazing how much processing can be done in three seconds. WE are amazing.

Red stop lights. Smoke from burning tyres and vehicles bouncing on their springs as ABS saves lives. I am well rested. It is early in the day and I am alert at 100mph (160kph). Middle lane on the Autobahn travelling north fast, still south of Hannover. Heartfelt thanks to Andreas. We stayed sober last night. The guy is a good influence for me.

So here is my three seconds. Emergency stop is automatic programming. I am fast today. Elsa will stop, I am sure. FLASH in pictures not language. Basic Physics. 100 - 0, Elsa will stop I will not. A quarter ton decelerating from 100 mph. The energy has to go somewhere. It will launch me at some fraction of that speed. Bracing arms and legs to stay with her. The car behind me may shunt me. Gap to the right. Big enough. Dump as much velocity as possible, the jag right for the gap. Plunge up through the cars in the fastest filter I ever did. I have to get away from the rear of the incident. I can die today if I am not clever, strong and lucky. Six car lengths leaning onto the bars to get as much of my meagre muscle onto the steering as I can. Too narrow now. I stop. Impact behind not serious. Someone got nudged. Fuck! Off and running. Six more car lengths in full motorcycle gear. Then I stop at last, to breath. Hands on knees getting my breath. Kids in the people carrier to my right are crying. Their mum is trying to calm them. The terror in her eyes mirrors that in mine. It's over for now. No one seriously hurt here. We are not going anywhere. Someone handed me black coffee from a thermos. It was then I first thought about a toilet. I'm human after all.

The traffic starts to move a little. The cars part to let me go forward so I filter carefully. It still takes 45 minutes for me to get off the autobahn, never knowing what the original incident was that caused our secondary one. Jane wants to take me back onto the autobahn and into the chaos, with no understanding in her programming for what just happened. A mental apology to my motorcycle and gadgets for abandoning them to run forward away from danger. Honestly I intended to make the hard shoulder and embankment. I thought to switch Jane off but her compass is my best tool if I ignore her twittering. Still I pull up at an SOS phone to check my position. Funny how much German I have in an emergency. The trucker wound down his window, travelling in the opposite direction stop start. I translate: PROBLEM? (shouting). LOST. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? DENMARK ( removing a paper map and flipping it over on the tank. HAMBURG. GET LEFT. TURN FIRST LEFT, KEEP GOING ON THAT ROAD. THANK YOU MY FRIEND. Back into the traffic people letting me in. Every road north is clogged with autobahn refugees. The good looking woman in the convertible is looking at me. Hamburg? Yep. I stick with her and flirt. Adrenalinn still? I takes all morning. The circumnavigation not the flirting.

Eventually I reach Hamburg in the afternoon, to nudge forward in contraflow, stop start through never ending road repairs. I consider the possibility I will not make Moens Klint tonight. I will also get tired soon. Past Hamburg and the run to Puttsgarten is good and quick. A ferry at 5 pm takes me to the Danish coast coffee in hand. Disembarkation and I have a warning light. Elsa blew a low beam in her light array. An annoyance and a fiddly job for later. It is still a long journey to Moens island east of Zealand. My bed is reserved and none refundable. Reception at the hostel closes at 7. Jane will not accept the address. My machines appear to be annoyed with me.

The post code leaves me with 4 square miles (English not Swedish!) to search. I have ten minutes before staff leave for the day. Be logical. The main road leads to the national park. The Hostel is no that road. Push the old girl to get there. I made it with 2 minutes to spare! Shame the reception clock is fast and they have left. If I had not found an envelope with my name on it I would have honestly set up my camp bed in the dining room. Still, I made it. Dinner better be quick. A shower and set up a table on the lawn overlooking a pristine lake. Fish jumping I sware. Dinner is dry rations off the bike. Mosquitoes drive me inside. We don't always get the journey we planned. The best thing to do with a day like this is go to bed. Day dreaming of white cliffs and dinosaurs that have to wait for another day. Tomorrow I have another long day to get to Bankeryd, to leave for Gotland with VMCK the day after.

In my dreams I am endlessly breaking and terrified. Why do I do it?